I know a few more weeks have gone by, so I've copied more from the last post below. With my boys finishing up school, I should be back in the swing of things with this book...God willing.
Slipping into my flip
flops, I was ready to head out by 10pm, so I used Grandma’s cell phone to call Brandon. I stepped out into the hallway so no one
would hear me telling him I was ready a little early then deleted the call
before going back inside to return it to the nightstand.
I was finally going to
do it, and I wasn’t even nervous.
(Day 18)
“So, that’s when you did it.” Mom cuts me off in the middle of my
story. “It wasn’t Friday, it was
Saturday. And Gus knew about it?” Her tone was getting angry again.
“No, he had no idea who they were and never
asked me. I swear, Mom, Gus was clueless.”
“The laundry gave you the opportunity, didn’t
it? OK, fine,” she puts her hands out in
front of her and cocks her head resettling her nerves, “you left the room around
10 or so and walked to McDonald’s and some guy picked you up and took you to a
party. Is that what you’re saying?” I nod my head in answer her question.
She gets up and leaves
the bathroom. I’m not sure if we’re done
talking, but then she returns a few moments later. She had just left to check on Cole. “Go on.
Let’s hear the rest.” She says
gently. This time she is sitting on the
toilet, leaning forward, elbows on her knees, and eyes on my face.
Chapter 10
(Day 18)
It feels really weird
sitting on the floor of the bathroom of our hotel room, telling my Mom what I
once thought I would never admit to. Still I push through.
I take a deep breath
and unclench my hands….
It wasn’t a big place, and it was hardly decorated except for
a few wall hangings of lit up beer signs that looked like they probably came
out of a dumpster in the back of a liquor store…super tacky. It was obvious that only a couple of single
guys lived there. I counted seven people
including myself. I know Brandon said it
would just be friends hanging out, and it’s not like I envisioned some huge
rave or anything like that, but it turned to be a little disappointing.
However, they did have a pool table, a stereo, and a folding table
set up for the beer pong. There was also
a couch covered with a sheet –God knows why- , a cheap kitchen table with
chairs, and several other folding chairs scattered around. The kitchen counter was cluttered with empty
beer cans stacking up as well as plenty of red solo cups and bowls of chips and
salsa. A sliding glass door led to the
backyard porch where there was another folding table and chairs set up next to a
couple of coolers. A guy and a girl were
sitting out there the whole time smoking…both weed and cigarettes…while tossing
a ball out to the grass playing fetch with a medium sized mutt.
They offered me everything, but I turned it down saying that
we have an early morning the next day. I
played a couple of games of pool, but turned down beer pong saying I wasn’t
very good and didn’t want to drink.
Fortunately, they had some soda they were using as mixers for their
Bacardi which I helped myself to. They
didn’t push too hard for me to join them in their intoxication, but politely offered
several times.
“Wait!
So, they had been drinking when they picked you up?” I nodded my head again. “Then they drank more and got high and drove
you back?”
“No, Mom.
It didn’t quite happen that way.”
“I’m not surprised that you didn’t drink. You could never even stand the smell of
alcohol. But I am surprised that you
didn’t experiment with pot.”
“I told them that it makes me sick to my
stomach,” I clarify, looking up at Mom and smiling as if we shared an inside
joke.
“You used my line,” she smiles back at me, “Well,
by all means, continue.”
Not long after I was introduced to everyone, I asked if
anyone had heard from Brian or knew when he was coming. So, Brandon told Jay, one of the older guys
who lived there, to give Brian a call and tell him to come on over.
I didn’t do too terrible at pool. I watched them all carefully for how to hold
the stick. I’d played before at a
friend’s house, but it had been awhile.
I didn’t want to let on that I was inexperienced. I had visions of some guy coming up behind me
to show me how to hold the stick pressing into my white jean shorts. The thought freaked me out.
“No kidding!
It freaks me out to picture you in your white jean shorts leaning over a
pool table. I’ve tried to tell you
before, Letti. You’re quite curvy back
there. I see guys staring at you all the
time. I never wanted to buy you those
shorts either.”
“OK, Mom.
Just let me finish.” I cut her
off not wanting to go to that conversation.
The last time she and I went clothes shopping, I yelled at her in the dressing
room of Kohl’s that I was never going shopping with her again. The whole store heard. I didn’t even care that I made her cry.
She relents and bows
her head, slightly opening her hands to indicate I should proceed.
No one was really inappropriate with me, but I realize now
that it’s because I didn’t stay long enough for anything to happen. The girl outside was really nice, so I sat and
talked with her for a little while. When
I walked back inside to ask again about Brian, Brandon and Carl were just
walking out of a room off of the hallway.
I could see billowy white clouds of smoke in the room as they opened the
door. It seemed strange that they would
be smoking inside when most everyone else was doing it out on the porch, plus
there was something very odd about how it all smelled. I got the feeling that it wasn’t the same as
what they were doing outside. I asked
about it, and they told me they were just taking a few hits.
I was curious what they meant by that, so I followed them back
into the mysteriously smoky room. One of
the other guys was sitting on the bed holding a strange looking pipe.
I asked and was told that it was meth. Of course, they offered that to me as
well.
“And you considered actually doing it?” Mom asks but it sounds more like a statement
of conclusion. I thought I could
actually hear her heart breaking.
I proceed to tell her
the rest.
I did think of trying it. I’d had a few conversations with my cousins
in the past about it. But at that moment
in time, it was only a brief thought. Since
I was feeling guilty for turning down everything they were offering, I said
that I was ready to play beer pong. They
were thrilled. And it got me out of the
room.
In the middle of the second game, Brian finally showed
up. He was shocked to see me. He also seemed irritated, but I wasn’t sure
why. He spent a few minutes of cordially
greeting all who were there with words of “hey” back and forth between
everyone. He suggested I finish up the
game so he could take me back to my hotel.
The guys acted disappointed.
They talked like they were coming to my rescue, as if I wanted to
stay. Brandon told Brian he would take
me back, but Brian won the argument. I
didn’t finish the game, though, because I wanted to leave immediately. I knew it was getting late, and I needed to
sneak back into the room.
“You also liked the idea of being alone with
Brian driving back, right?” she asked.
“Ya, I guess I did, but it didn’t turn out the
way I had envisioned. And, I want to
point out that my ride back was with someone who was sober, Mom.” I tell her trying to calm down her worries; if
that’s even possible at this point.
“But you weren’t sober.”
“Yes, I was!”
“Letti, you were playing beer pong. Or did they allow you to use soda? And what
the heck is beer pong, anyway? Is that
like playing quarters only with a ping pong ball?”
“I have no idea what quarters is, Mom, and I
didn’t drink any beer because…I won….”
It feels good to say that with a tilted smiling face.
“Very funny, but that’s not the end of your
story. What was the ride back like with
the boy you were so enamored with?”
Mom’s voice has an obviously relieved tone to it. She’s now just curious about her daughter’s
experience alone with an older guy. But
it was this part I found the most difficult to talk about. I sit quietly for a moment and close my eyes
remembering.
(Day 5…just before midnight)
Brian wasn’t just
irritated. He was furious. But I think it was mostly that he was scared
to see me there at that house, and wondered what had gone on before he
arrived.
“What the hell were doing there, girl? At your age!
Jesus, you’ve been here for just two days and got hooked up with those
creeps?” He just kept going on and on
while driving, which left me with not knowing how to answer. “What are you, like 13…14…come on. You’re way too young to be in a group of
losers like that!”
“Why do you keep talking about them like
that? I thought you were all
friends.” I finally responded to his
outburst.
“Friends?
Hell no! I know Jay because he’s
friends with my brother. I know a few
from work, and I’ve met the rest a time or two, but we’re not friends. Who told you that line of crap? Brandon?
He’s an ass.” I sat in the
passenger seat afraid to respond.
I thought he was
handsome the day before, and I wasn’t wrong.
He was definitely even more attractive in this angry state of mind, but
the yelling and cursing was a little frightening.
“Just tell me what you were thinking showing up
there, little cousin!” I couldn’t
believe he called me that. Cousin or
not, there was no real relationship between us, and before yesterday, he was a
stranger. Still, it made me feel safe
when he referred to me that way. It was
like he considered me someone to protect.
“I just wanted to see you.” I finally confessed to this awesome hunk
driving me down some main street of Claremore, Oklahoma.
“Jesus Christ!”
He belted out in response to my vulnerable confession. Shaking his head, he obviously wasn’t
expecting to hear those words from me. I
wasn’t sure who was more in shock though, him or me.
At that moment in time,
“Beautiful Brian” turned into “Bad-Mouthed Brian”. It’s not like I’m too much of a prudish snob
to handle explicit language out of the mouths of others. I could care less about certain words, but I
hate it when someone uses God’s name in vain.
Before either one of us
could say anything, I felt something crawling on my leg and completely freaked
out when I saw it was a spider.
“Oh my gosh!
Get it off me! Brian! Pull over!”
I rattled off in a panic.
“What in the hell is your problem, girl?” He started swerving while I was practically
standing on the seat of his truck. With one
hand on his flexed arm and the other pressed up against the passenger window
trying to balance myself, I was screaming at him.
“Just pull over! Now!”
He did as I demanded. As the truck came to a screeching halt, I
threw open the door, jumping out and stumbling several steps to get far from
the cab of the truck as I could. He got
out, slammed his door, and stormed over to my side of the vehicle.
“I’m sorry!”
I managed to squeeze out in between coughs and gasps of air. “I just can’t handle spiders.”
“You know this is not my idea of a Saturday
night. I really wish you hadn’t gone
with Brandon. It scared me to death
seeing you there. You’re young and
innocent, and those guys…they want you to think they’re your friends, but
they’re not. Do you hear me, Letti. They’re not your friends! They just want you to think that so they can
get you fucking wasted with their drugs and take advantage of you. When I think what could’ve happened if I
hadn’t showed up…God!” He was pacing
around the side of the road going off on me while I was hunched over with my
hands on my knees still catching my breath.
By the time he had finished,
and I had calmed my breathing, I sat down on the curb, pathetically saying to
him that I was sorry. Other than my
parents, I’ve never seen anyone so concerned over me. The entire situation both humiliated me and
swept me off my feet at the same time.
I refused to get back
into the truck until he proved to me that there were no more spiders. I made him search through the whole cab
first.
On the way back to the
Comfort Inn, we had a somewhat decent conversation even though I was constantly
looking for spiders and rubbing my hands over my exposed legs to make sure
nothing was crawling on me.
I tried to convince him
that I was 17, but it didn’t work. He
dropped me off at exactly 11:55 pm. I
was torn inside. He made me feel so safe
that I didn’t want to walk away. On the
other hand, my embarrassment made want to run as far away as possible. I looked back to see if he would at least
give me a charming smile and a romantic word.
The smile was there, but all he said to me was to go to bed, calling me “little
girl”.
I was safe and sound 10
minutes later under the covers next to Walker.
Grandma woke me up bright and early at 6. It was time to get back on schedule.
(Day 18)
“Letti,” Mom whispers after I finish my story,
“you said something…it was something Brian said to you…he said ‘they’re not
your friends.’”
“Yes, he said that. He was trying to explain that those guys were
just….”
“I know what he was trying to explain to you,
Letti,” she cuts me off, her voice a little louder now, and I curiously look up
at her. “Don’t you remember hearing
those words a couple days ago?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Tiffany.
Remember? She was talking about
those people Charlotte hung out with.
She kept saying, ‘She thought they were her friends.’”
My cousin had gotten
involved with some really corrupt people over the last several months. It was after Skylar was born. I know that much because she and I talked
quite a bit at her baby shower. She had
not even tried meth by that point, but knew her sisters were experimenting with
it. A few months later, Char followed the
same path but went even further. The
people, the gang members she got involved with, had made her believe that they
were her friends…that she was part of them.
As if she was protected by them.
But she wasn’t
protected. She was betrayed.
With Brian still on my
mind, I realize that he’s just as related to Charlotte as he is to me. Yet, God placed him in my life at a pivotal moment, not hers. Why?
“Mom, I just don’t get it!” I say as we both stand up and leave the
bathroom. It was time to open the
curtains, turn the lights on, and start waking Cole up from his nap.
“You don’t get what, Letti?”
“I know you had your teenage ‘wild’ years. I know Tiffany did too.”
“And…?”
She was flinging wide the curtains, but turned to look at me wondering
where my line of questioning was going.
“Mom,” my voice was quiet giving Cole a chance
to slowly wake up, “why is it you did your thing, and…others do their thing,
and…you all turn out OK, but…”
She sits down on the
bed next to her son and reaches out to gently nudge him. Sitting on the other bed watching her, I shake
my head thinking about all the stories Mom’s told me about her past. Some of them she had only revealed to me less
than a week ago when we were having a heart to heart conversation at one of our
stops. What if something had happened to
her? There wouldn’t be this precious
little boy slowly coming out of dreamland right before my eyes. I think of Gus and Walker. I wouldn’t even be here.
“It’s like how you hear people talking about
all the crazy stuff they used to do and how it’s a miracle they survived their
youth.” Mom says to me. Sounds like she really does understand what
I’m getting at.
“Ya, I know.
Why is that? How is that?” I can’t take my eyes off of her. My heart is in turmoil, and I‘m looking to
her for answers.
“Honey, you can’t make choices based on the
fact that so and so did this and that and turned out fine.” She pauses searching for a way to
explain. “It’s like playing Russian
Roulette, you know what I mean?”
“Ya, that’s the gun thing, right?”
“Ya! …the
gun thing…and it’s just stupid, Letti.” Hearing
our voices grow louder, Cole starts stirring.
“Come on, Honey, time to wake up,” Mom says momentarily turning her
attention to her baby boy.
I walk over to our
little cooler that had been devoured by the boys this morning and find Cole’s sippy
cup still half full with milk. I bring
it to Cole and he sits up, happy to see it.
“She was just so young.” I say after a long sigh and plopping back on
the bed.
“I know.
And she had that personality, you know? The one that makes you think about all the
potential she has, and you’re just waiting for her to grow up and use it. She was quick-witted and rambunctious. She definitely had a mouth on her and a
determination. I know she got herself
into a lot of trouble, but I always thought those characteristics would take
her someplace better in life.” Mom
pauses and looks down, thinking before finishing. “She may not have seen herself as a child,
but she was. And it always sucks when
kids die, no matter how it happens. They
barely get a chance to live. It’s like
they’re here and they’re gone and…,” she abruptly stops and looks around the
room as if she’s searching her mind for something.
“What?”
I ask hoping nothing’s wrong. She
stares at me and waits a few moments more before answering.
“Don’t we have a Casting Crowns CD in the
car?”
“I think so.”
Mom picks up Cole after
wrapping his “blanky” around him, and grabs her keys to the Suburban. She tells me to grab the key card and come
with her. After we all climb in the
front with Cole looking at us as if we’ve just lost our minds for not putting
him in his car seat, Mom starts the car and we pop in the CD. She skips to the song, “Who Am I,” and we sit
in the air conditioned, idling machine listening to the most perfect song for
Char.
Back in the room, we
busy ourselves with getting ready for the viewing. Going through the dressier outfits we brought,
we decide what to wear today as well as tomorrow for the funeral. I have certain phrases from the song playing
in my head as Mom hums the tune.
Wandering heart… flower quickly fading…vapor in the wind…calm
the storm…who am I…I am Yours…whom shall I fear….
There’s a lot I still fear.
While throwing some
extra clothes in a smaller bag so we can go swimming at the house after the
viewing, I hear Mom call out.
“Cole, what are you doing?” I look up and see Mom in the entry looking
into the bathroom with her hands on her hips, only she’s not looking down,
she’s looking up. With curiosity getting
the best of me, I rush over to her side.
Cole’s standing on the
counter top looking at himself in the mirror.
Wearing his dressy wranglers, a “Veggie Tales” t-shirt, and a clip-on
tie, he works at tucking the shirt into his jeans revealing the belt he has on
with the big “G” on the belt buckle. Mom
and I chuckle while watching him. Seeing
us fills him with pride as he smiles wide and stretches his neck up to show off
the tie. Then he carelessly steps back
placing one foot on the ledge. Mom
lunges and catches him just as he starts to lose his balance almost plummeting
to the floor.
“See that Cole?
You should know better! Climbing
onto the counter like that,” Mom rebukes her son, but then places him back up on
the counter standing behind him so he can’t fall again. I go to grab his cowboy boots off the bed,
and we help him finish getting ready.
“Mom, why didn’t you guys get all the boys
custom belts? Walker and Cole always
steal Gus’s.”
“I don’t know.
We got that for Gus for Christmas at a specialty shop when Walker was
six months old and just never went back and got any more for the others. They don’t care,” she answers.
“Gus does.
He hates it when they wear it.
Did you ask your brother before taking this, Cole?” He responds to my question shaking his head while
smiling. I remember how many times Gus
and Walker fought over the belt on the trip.
Chapter 11
(Day 6)
I felt wiped out
climbing into the Suburban to get on the road for the 5th time. I’m sure everyone else felt refreshed
spending two days in one place and having a break from driving, but of course I
had to choose to use that time differently. Mom and Grandma acted like I was a saint for
staying up doing laundry and kept assuring me that I’ll get caught up with my
sleep on the road. Instead of feeling
guilty about their “fussing” over me, I just got annoyed.
“Are we all ready to go?” Mom asked from the
driver’s seat.
“Yes!” most of us responded.
“OK. Did
everybody poop?”
“Yes!” some of us affirmed.
“Are you wearing any underpants, Walker?” Seriously Mom? How long is the questioning gonna go on?
“Yes ma’am,” Walker proudly answered.
“Mom, Walker’s wearing my belt again,” Gus
complained giving his brother a dirty look.
“Gus, it doesn’t even fit you anymore. Why can’t you just give it to him?” Mom answered
with a sigh as she put the key into the ignition. She released the emergency brake, put her foot
on the brake pedal, and turned the key.
They next thing we
know, there’s a terribly loud clicking sound coming from the ignition but no
engine starting up. Quick reacting
Walker freaked out.
“Wha…wha…what’s happening?!?” he yelled out
after stuttering a little.
“Walker, stop yelling,” Mom yelled back at him.
“It’s gonna blow!” he screamed and then hit the
floor.
Gus cracked up at
Walker, Cole leaned over his car seat looking at his older brother huddled on
the floor board, and Mom shushed the whole car.
“Is everything alright?” I asked.
“I don’t know.
Mom, what do you think? You’re
married to the mechanic,” my obviously worried mother looked to her own mother
for help.
“Don’t look at me. Red never taught me a thing about cars. And I never asked.”
I pulled Walker up off
the floor while telling him to knock it off.
“Why in the world would Walker think the car
was gonna blow?” Mom asked to herself, “and what makes him think crouching down
on the floor board would’ve saved him?”
“Oh, I know why,” I chimed in, “He kept
sneaking peeks at the gangster movie I was watching last night.” Mom glared at me, but was too preoccupied to
address my choice of entertainment. She
chose to let it go.
“Oh, so that’s why he was in your bed this
morning,” is all she said to that issue.
“Mom, do you still have the number for your cousin? His grandson’s a mechanic. If anything, maybe he could give us some
advice,” Mom suggests, and Grandma was already searching through her purse
looking for the number.
An hour later, Mom and
Grandma had conversations with Red, Dad, Cousin Bill, a towing company, and
even Brian. My anxiety was growing to
great heights watching the tow truck hook us up to take us to Brian’s
shop. A million things were going
through my mind, especially, this can’t
be happening.
To be continued….
Written by Amie Spruiell
Amie Spruiell After the Event ©
2016